Re-Born

The best way I can explain how I feel these days it to say it’s like being “re-born” physically, mentally and spiritually. Last year at this time I could hardly walk less the ¼ of a mile. It was more of a waddle then a walk. I spent most of my days in bed and was forced to go back on pain pills and sleeping pills to survive. My head was filled with fear of what surgery I should choose, what doctor I should go with and what device I should put in my body for the rest of my life. I was so confused and scared.

This weeks training program was not earth shattering by any means it went like this:

Tue: gym stationary bike, exercise ball and lightweights, boy did I feel it.
Thur: water exercises, swim, spa and sauna
Fri: road bike ride for 20 miles 1:20 minutes 500 vertical felt great.

These workouts are just baby steps from what I was doing before my accident, I was training for 24-hour mountain bike races. Last summer I tried to ride my bike but the nerve impingement in my legs was cutting of blood flow, my legs would fall asleep and I would get light headed and nauseous. All that is a bad memory these days as I can ride again.

On Wed I went to a bible study on the book of James and God once again convicted me:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James1:27

Was I doing this adoption for my desires to be a mother or was it to help an orphan child to have a life a much better life a life that I could give her here in America.

The old Paulette would have never giving up her life to take on motherhood especially by herself. I was very into myself and what I wanted to do, climb the biggest mountain, ski as many days as I could a year, and ride my bikes for miles and miles. There was no time for a child in my life.

But life is nothing like it was and I am definitely not the same person physically, mentally or spiritually as I was before my accident I have been “re-born” I have a new life to live and look forward to an unselfish life of being a mother to an orphan child. Baby steps are what I'm taking these days. I couldn’t be happier.